Arking Arts

It’s sometimes hard

To try and see the value in another persons life, to forgive them the judgments you posses and treat them as you’d wish to be treated. Today Xtra posted an article about the search for a former model/porn actor Luka Rocco Magnotta in connection to the severed limbs mailed to Ottawa and Montreal. 

This man has a history of some sort of mental illness going so far as to film himself killing kittens and even the victim whose limbs were discovered recently. But my article is less about him and more about those individuals that seek out the snuff films and critique them as though they are some sort of art. I ran into one such discussion, a few actually, on a forum. My interest was never in viewing the film, my stomach turned enough at the thought of what this man did and to view it would only make me hate myself and question my own morals and mental dysfunctions. That’s right I’m judging those individuals who sit safely at home in their comfy chairs watching snuff films for a good shock, or to critique the work. They are a fanbase that I personally find just as disturbing as the individuals filming themselves. 

What makes these people so different from cops, coroners, doctors, military and morticians though? After all those people are in the business of death and deal with these things with the benefit of getting paid to do it, why don’t I despise them? Because their doing a public service and not all go home and sleep at night itching for the next horrific scene to come their way. They are tough people who have to condition themselves or quit and do something else. I can only hope that those interested in seeing such scenes find themselves in occupations where that kind of curiosity and desensitization will come to some benefit.

I’d like to imagine that these people are capable of feeling sympathy, and concern for those victims in the videos they observe. I’d like to think that during their observations their stomachs turn, they cringe, and they think for a moment that this is real. Then that moment fades and they smile and go brag to be the cool kid on the forum but I don’t believe that’s how it plays out. I believe for every mentally ill individual there is an audience of persons equally screwed up who like to watch. If I think back to gladiatorial games in an arena with spectators it’s not so bad, but it’s still not much better. 

Hamburger Mary’s

Another job I applied to and probably won’t get. I booked my ass downtown today hoping to apply at the Cactus Club and Hamburger Mary’s as well as anything else along Denman, Granville, and Robson. After reaching Mary’s and applying I figured I might actually stand a chance in the interview, she’s hiring not one but two employees! 

Thinking this was a good start I headed over to a print shop to get a few more Resume’s out but was interrupted just as I was about to sit down by a phone call. It was my roommate demanding to know where I was. The roommate earlier had borrowed my key to get into the workout room but not before delaying for an eternity while I dressed, printed resumes, and stapled them together. Having left before I did and knowing I was in the apartment he didn’t bother to lock up so when I left I did so and apparently locked him out as he had only taken my key with him and not his room keys or any other belongings.

This set of events would normally make sense considering the workout room is in the same building and he knew I was still here when he finally left. However he asked me what I was doing, saw what I was doing and in the end knew I was leaving to spend my day peddling myself in hopes to get hired. What I was met with upon answering the call was “you didn’t tell me you were leaving”, “I had no idea that you were going anywhere”, and “I have things to do today I NEED to get into the apartment and can’t do anything without doing so”. So I spent more time on transit than applying to jobs, wasting money, and being told that my own errands and responsibilities are less important than my roommates who cannot be bothered to go downstairs and talk to the building manager to let him in. 

I’m not upset I had to go home and open the door for him. I’m upset with the bullshit attitude “it’s all your fault” speech I got before I did so. I wasn’t asked to come home and open the door I was expected too. Not once in this brief conversation was there a “please”, or “could you” and that’s what bothers me the most. Even the key he used to get into the workout room was mine because someone, NOT ME, used the spare and lost it. Though I was informed earlier it was agreed between my roommates that I used it last and thus lost it. I have my own bloody fucking key why would I use the spare? Why is everything my responsibility and my fault in these stupid easy tasks?

Sun hissssss

Its so bright and shiny and im trying to get some workout in before I pound the pavement for jobs this afternoon. I need to own less black because my room is baking even with the window open, door open and any form of heat turned off. 

Stumbling upon

So today I figured I was bored and wanted to see what sort of entertainment my PS3 had to offer me. Once upon a time it used to offer me films, and movie trailers but no more, that’s become something only PLUS members get to take advantage of. But lo and behold Amazon Instant Video came out of nowhere to save the day!

After hooking my ps3 up to my account I found out that my Amazon Prime Membership renewed charging me 80 bucks this month. That mother fucker. Not only that but it did so yesterday dipping into my account funds set aside for rent. SO PISSED OFF. To rub salt in my wounds the filthy little whore bitch that is Amazon doesn’t even offer Prime Membership benefits to me because I’m in Canada. Thankfully I went back to Amazon fuming and cancelled that mofo receiving a full refund as of three seconds ago. Happy again. 

Jobs

It seems the greatest hurdle I have to overcome when it comes to downtown jobs is telling them I live in Richmond. It seems to shock and surprise people that it’s even an issue when I live only one block away from the sky train station here. My commute downtown is 20 minutes long, and then 5 or so at a snails pace walk up to Burrard Street. Despite that reasonably short amount of time I’m still turned away and shuffled to the bottom of the stack of resumes. 

The latest encounter I had was when I applied to St. Andrews-Wesley Church at the corner of Burrard and Nelson downtown. During my interview my location came up and I was enthusiastic about my commute time and how relatively short it was. I was met with a long sigh and a short explanation from the interviewer telling me he could relate to other businesses turning me away, distance is always an issue. I’m not familiar with how city people view distance but a 30 minute commute to go 8 miles is long yes, but it’s in the middle of a city and is a lot better than the 40 minute commute in the country with 3-4’ snow drifts threatening your safety. I did my best to insist that I manage to make it to class during my sessions each day and that was merely one stop and a short bus ride more than the distance I’d have to travel to work. 

There are other reasons I’m not getting a job at this point of course. My lack of serving experience has worked to my disadvantage, and I have chosen to have a long term education over constant employment. It also came up in the interview with the church that I hadn’t had many jobs and I was asked if I’d simply been handed my employment and never had to deal with formal interview processes. That was a slap in the face, and spoke more about how I was presenting myself than anything. I wore formal attire, answered every question to the best of my ability with enthusiasm, and asked only a few questions in return (all of which were dodged). I’m not getting that job but after a long interview, some derogatory language, surprise job duties, and disbelief in my ability to get to work on time I’m not exactly feeling I lost out.